If a person's torso and feet orient away from you while talking, they likely feel disinterested or want to leave the conversation. Even if their face remains friendly, this "torso shielding" indicates psychological disengagement. Other distancing cues include:

• Crossing arms tightly
• Holding objects in front of chest
• Twisting torso to angle body away
• Placing barriers like a purse or pillow on lap

When you notice someone progressively shutting you out with their body language, gracefully end the interaction before they tune out completely. And if you catch yourself torso shielding, consider what's causing your discomfort and how you can reengage.

Section: 1, Chapter: 4

Author: Joe Navarro

Our desire for social status can warp everyday interactions. We often use "cognitive biases" - like assuming others' mistakes reflect their character while giving ourselves a pass - to feel "right" and protect our ego.

This clouds our judgment, especially in disagreements. We overlook information that might change our minds. We get overconfident, assume the worst of the other side, and use any rhetorical tactic to defend our view.

In the moment, making our case feels good - like an "intellectual orgasm." But in the long run, it can damage relationships and our own growth.

Section: 1, Chapter: 7

Author: Michael Easter

The Ben Franklin effect shows that asking weak ties for a favor makes them more likely to help you again in the future. When Franklin wanted to win over a rival legislator, rather than doing a favor for the man, Franklin asked to borrow a rare book from him. The rival was flattered and afterwards, was much more friendly and willing to help Franklin.

So don't just do favors for weak ties, ask them for favors too. People like to feel helpful, as long as the request isn't a burden. Make it specific, concrete and relevant to their interests.

Section: 1, Chapter: 2

Author:

You can leverage the reciprocity rule in your favor:

• Proactively do favors and provide value for others
• They will feel a sense of indebtedness and want to repay you
• This makes them more likely to do what you request later
• But beware of those who purposely use this to manipulate - recognize when gifts have strings attached

Section: 1, Chapter: 2

Author: Robert Cialdini

To effectively persuade and influence others:

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain. That only breeds resentment.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want by talking in terms of their wants and needs, not yours.
4. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."

Section: 1, Chapter: 3

Author: Dale Carnegie

Salespeople and marketers leverage the principle of consistency to make bigger sales:

• Start by getting the prospect to make a small, easy commitment
• This could be agreeing to fill out a survey, accept a free sample, or make a statement supporting the product
• Later, pivot to making a related larger request, like buying a subscription
• They feel internal pressure to act consistently with their earlier commitment
• To resist unwanted influence attempts, be very careful about making commitments you don't want to be held to later

Section: 1, Chapter: 3

Author: Robert Cialdini

The sweetest two words in any negotiation are "That's right." When someone says "you're right" they are not really agreeing, just getting you to leave them alone.

But when they say "that's right", they feel truly understood and are open to being persuaded. Strive to reach "that's right" not "you're right." To get to "that's right", summarize and paraphrase their worldview back to them until they respond with "that's right." This creates breakthroughs.

Section: 1, Chapter: 1

Author: Chris Voss

"First, Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want. He Who Can Do This Holds The World With Him"

Remember these key points in influencing others:

• The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants
• The deepest craving in human nature is the desire to be important and appreciated
• If you can arouse an eager want in a person and show them how to satisfy it, you hold the key to influencing their actions
• Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?"

Section: 1, Chapter: 3

Author: Dale Carnegie

When dealing with someone who strongly disagrees with us, it's tempting to just keep arguing our point louder and more insistently. But this direct approach often makes people put up their defenses and stop listening. A more effective tactic is "persuasive listening" - focusing on understanding their perspective so deeply that they feel heard and respected. Some tips:

• Ask more questions than you make statements. Aim for a ratio of at least 2 questions for every 1 assertion.
• Engage in reflective listening, paraphrasing what they said to check your understanding (e.g. "So it seems like your main concern is X, is that right?")
• Validate their feelings, even if you disagree with their logic (e.g. "I can see why this issue frustrates you, it's clearly something you care a lot about.")
• Express curiosity about how they came to their viewpoint (e.g. "I'm interested to know what experiences shaped your stance on this")
• Acknowledge common ground and areas where you agree.

Section: 2, Chapter: 5

Author: Adam Grant

People will respond more positively when you make any request or suggestion seem to align with their own nobler motives. J.P. Morgan observed that a person usually has two reasons for doing something - one that sounds good and a real one.

Appeal to the one that sounds good to get them interested. For example, Rockefeller got a stubborn partner to continue a business relationship, not by emphasizing profits, but by praising his work uplifting humanity. Always help the other person feel that your suggested course of action serves the greater good and you will get more enthusiastic cooperation.

Section: 3, Chapter: 10

Author: Dale Carnegie